First Day of Spring Semester Classes! :)

Today(yesterday) is the first day of Spring Semester classes for Vincennes University students. How do I feel right now? Tired lol. I moved back into CCF around 7 pm, Sunday and then went to bed at 3 a.m. because I was playing Super Mario Brothers on the Wii with some of my friends. Then, Monday we had it off because it was Martin Luther King Jr day. and guess what time I went to bed? 2 a.m. I guess you can see that there is a little decrease in my hours of going to sleep lol. This morning I woke up at 8:30 because I have my first class, Children's Literature at 9:30. Did you hear that last part? "Children's Literature?", "Kayleah, isn't that the class you got charged with plagiarism and dropped from?" well... yes it is. I have decided to take the class over this semester with another professor. This professor does zooms when we are supposed to have class time and have substantial resources for me to be able to pass this class and get help when I need it, unlike the first time I took it.

I have Children's Lit at 9:30, Math for Elementary Teachers(the class I am taking for the third time) at 1:00 p.m, and then at 4:00 p.m I have Music for the Elementary Teachers and then I am done for the day. Tomorrow I have Foundations of Education at 9:30 a.m, First Aid at 11:00 p.m, and Exploring Values and Careers at 1:00 p.m and then I am done for the day, and guess what? I have no Friday classes this semester, which I am so excited about!!!

When I left my family Sunday I was kinda sad just because this break was long awaited and it was something that I definitely needed, because I needed to get away from College for a while, but also I was happy because by the end of December I was ready to come back. I missed my independence, I missed my friends, and I missed CCF. I don't really have friends back in Indy(except for like 1 really good friend) so I was ready to come back to school to be with all of my friends and ultimately be back at my second home, CCF.

What are my goals for this semester? My goals are to ask for help when needed, do more studying, get a tutor for math and ultimately find a therapist. Find someone that is consistent because I think that is one of the things that I need, is for someone to be consistent in my life to help me. I have been thinking about going to therapy for a little bit now. I have had good mentors come into my life to help guide me, and lead me in the right direction but they just aren't consistent anymore. To be completely transparent with you all(Read,"What I learned in 2020") 2020 was a rough patch of my life. I felt like I was drowning. I felt like I had no one to fully help me take the steps I needed to take. I cried out for people I used to talk too that don't talk to me anymore. I cried out for my mentors, but I was too scared to reach out because I knew the outcome just from past experiences. I need help. Not everyone can say that they need help, not everyone can say that therapy is something that is going to benefit them. A lot of people are silently drowning like me and don't wanna take that step to reach out and get help because honestly, that's probably what they have learned and what they are used too. Not reaching out, and holding in all their feelings because there is no one they can talk to about what is going on in their life.

So yes, I am going to be looking into finding a therapist this year. I think that it is going to benefit me, to help better my mental health. To feel like I have someone when I am silently drowning. To feel like I have consistency. To find someone that can also help me with my faith. I would rather have someone that doesn't know me already, so they can get to know the real me and help me figure the steps I need to take to help better my life. Now I am not saying that I don't have any good people in my life that I can talk too, like my campus minister Preston has been really helpful since coming to college. I didn't know anything about college, about Vincennes, about how to navigate anything and Preston helped me with all of that. Preston met with me every Wednesday my freshman year and this year it was a little hard to continue to meet just with some personal things with him. Also.. his wife just had a baby!(who by far is the cutest baby, I have EVER seen!). So, I do have some people, but like I said I want to have someone that doesn't know me.

Just know that asking for help is okay. Getting a therapist is okay. Your feelings matter. Honor your feelings. 2020 taught me that, “You can’t heal a wound if you keep pretending you are not bleeding.” You are not feeling tired, frustrated, sad or anxious for no reason. Your emotions are a signal of what you are going through, even when you don’t notice. Not all days are sunshine, kittens, and rainbows. And you are not a robot programmed to be happy 24/7. Listen to your inner voice. It is okay to not be okay but what is not okay is to stay in that "not okay" place. There is gotta be a time where we have to pick ourselves up, get help, and do what we can to better ourselves. Your feelings are valid. Don't let anyone tell you different. Listen to your body whisper so you don’t have to hear it scream.

So, to all the college students, high school students and beyond. Good luck with spring semester. You've got this! Stay strong, get help when you need it, and just listen to your mind and your body. "Give yourself space and grace this semester" one of my professors told us this helpful information today!(yesterday).

Love, Kayleah Allen